Bloody Hell!
There goes my life as I know it.
For those of you who don't know it, I have a sister.
That's a painting that I made of her. Aren't I a kind and loving sister? Depicting her as a tender and loving mother...when she is really heartless, cruel and treacherous!
And sadly, completely insane. I find myself unable to conceal the truth about her any longer. Forced to divulge the terrible truth about her tragic mental state, I will try to be gentle. It all started a few weeks ago with a phone call. Mad Sister Cate says: Helen, I am thinking of writing a book. It's going to be about two sisters who are totally different and the comedy and trials of their relationship. One sister is a down to earth loving mother, and the other sister is......(need I continue, you can see where this is going) Saintly Sister Helen says: silence (hot prickly feeling begins to lift the hairs on my scalp) Saintly Sister Helen thinks: hmmm.....this scenario is beginning to sound familiar....could it be a coincidence? I can see behind the curtain here, down to earth loving mother, upstanding pillar of the community, beacon of dependability in the dark night of uncertainty.....and her crazy sister. The trials and tribulations of the sane dealing with the insane. Fanfuckingtastic! Now, as you can see, I am forced to set the record staight before the slanderous tome is released onto the unprepared public. The truth is, it is my sister who is mad, not I. Apart from being an incurable compulsive liar, she is a complete nutter. Barmy. Raving lunatic. I didn't want to have to spill this terribly secret but she has driven me to it. Don't listen to a thing she says. It will only encourage her. Support her recovery from the land of denial. Don't buy the book.

I have picked up the quill once again.
I have long withheld my opinions from this world and I fear the world suffers for it.
I shake off the cobwebs and endeavor to blog in truth and honesty. Actually I now have two blogs. This one and a secret one. The following is the first entry of my secret blog and will explain why I now have two......

"My Blog "Exanimo" meaning "From the Heart" began with the best intentions of writing truth and honesty but I found that it isn't easy to bare your soul to the public. I will still keep up exanimo but it will be purely for entertainment. It wont contain my blackest secrets. That's what this place is for. It's only for me to read so I can feel free to sound stupid, say nothing funny or intelligent, use no alliteration or other clever writing devices etc etc.
Ten Past Twelve! Time to retire, I'm tuckered!
Damn!"
Here is an image of the terribly secret site. I guess that's all I have to say about that. Now, on with the blogging.... We have been to see some plays recently.
I highly recommend any philatheatralis to research your plays before you go.
Bad plays are different than bad movies in that you don’t feel wracked with guilt if you leave half way through a movie. Leaving a play during intermission means that upon commencement of the second act there will be two gapingly empty seats, like two missing teeth, practically screaming your negative review at the poor actors on stage who then have to stumble through the second act without breaking down into tears of rejection. It just isn’t done.
One of these we survived recently was called “Jacques Brel is Alive And Well In Paris”.
I wish he weren’t.
I can’t speak for everyone here. You might enjoy this play.
I can’t criticize the performance of the cast, the playing of the musicians, the subtle lighting effects.
You might enjoy this play…. If you were the kind of child whose sweetest moments where when you stood in front of your mommy as she explained to you that Santa Claus is a big lie she has been telling you for 6 years or when your very first girlfriend in grade 6 told you that you were a big loser and dropped you for your best friend. If these moments in life thrilled you to excitement you might enjoy this play.
If you are sent to dizzying heights of joy when being fired from jobs, delight in hearing about friends suicides or discovering that you have a tapeworm, then this play is for you my friend.
If not, I wouldn’t recommend it.

I am aware of the fact that I left you all in suspense regarding the Emma Hallowe'en costume thing.

Cruel of me wasn't it?
All six billion and 34 readers unable to continue with their daily lives, crippled with wonder, staring raptly at their monitors
hitting refresh, refresh, refresh like some hideously animated machine barely stopping to eat and relieve themselves, running stark raving mad
through the streets, traffic stopped everywhere, cities on fire, satellites falling out of the sky, a month with no posts on Fark!!

Well, it's not quite that bad.
The thing is, regardless of the chaos I may or may not have caused, I had a good reason for the delay.

A damn good reason.

I have been creating...
AN ARMY OF ROBOTS!!
(echo - robots, robots, robots)

I will post several links below with images and wallpapers showing my robot army and a few other goodies too.

But I digress, back to Emmas costume.

Here are some action shots of her on Hallowe'en.

Tasteless!

Here is the beginning of my fearsome robot army.

Here is a wallpaper which includes a handy "World Domination Robot Control Centre"

Also, I was inspired recently while helping the folks with some computer related issues to design a User Interface.

Please feel free to download and install on family members and/or customers desktops.

Above sketches are all done in Illustrator.

Well that's it for now folks.

Later.

Well, Emma my dog has decided upon her costume for Hallowe'en.
She has sworn me to secrecy but will be posting pics in the first week of November for all to see.
Personally, I would like to go on record as saying that I think her idea is sick, offensive and in poor taste.
Trust me I had nothing to do with it, it is all Emma.
She is not a puppy anymore, although still obviously immature, and can make decisions by herself now.
Anyway, that's it. I just wanted you all to be prewarned.
As for myself, I haven't done a damn thing about my costume. I was originally planning on going as Gaz. Then after Kill Bill (which I have seen twice already)I thought O-ren after she is killed. Now time is running out and I am seriously thinking I should pick something easier.
Like "A Person With A Mole"
That would be easy.
Just a little black eyeliner.
"Plainclothes Cop",
"Wil Wheaton's Best Friend".
Those also would require minimal effort. Aside from Hallowe'en, Marj and Steve have had their baby. Congratulations!
That's it for now, time for me to go and see what's blown up in the world. Later.

There is one movie

that every woman

every girl child

every female infant

every frail octogenarian with two X chromosomes

every grandmother, mother and every daughter

must see.

kill bill

I LOVE
KILL BILL

On behalf of women everywhere. Thank you Quentin.

Due to overwhelming demand (several thousand e-mails daily) I have decided to satiate the publics curiosity by posting the "Wil Wheaton E-mail Affair".
In all its shocking and sordid detail.
Here it is from the start...
First Contact:

Hello Wil,

Thought I would mention that it's come to my attention recently that you haven't been posting in my forontes (forum, plural) on my blog site www.exanimo.com (click on the forum link to your right.) The noticeable lack of your comments has forced me to start commenting on your behalf. (Actually to be technically correct, writing Haiku on your behalf) Strangely, William Shatner has also been absent lately and I have begun to comment on his behalf also.
As you can see, this could become quite messy. Please assist in this matter by posting regularly.
If this becomes too much of a burden for you, I have no problem maintaining your blog for you so you have more time to post on my site.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Helen Platt

A few days later:

Hello Wil,
Sorry to bother you again with this whole forum issue but I fear it may be getting out of hand. Visitors are beginning to doubt the authenticity of your posts in my forontes. I can't imagine why because I am writing some of my best Haiku in there. It would help me a great deal if you would just pop by and post a comment. You know, throw around a few Wil-isms to quell the rising doubt. Strangely, people do not doubt the William Shatner posts.
Anyway, here again is my blog site: http://www.chargedmultimedia.com/exanimo/ Click on the forum links on your right or your left. Either one will do.
Thanks
Helen

THE E-MAIL:

Maybe it's because you're a better writer than I am, and they see right through it? Try writing lousy junk.

Good luck!

Wil

here's what he MEANT:

Maybe it's because you're a better writer than I am,
(I am humbled by your talent with words and kneel at your feet in worshipful awe)
and they see right through it?
(they would rather read what you have to say anyway)
Try writing lousy junk.
(Even if you tried to write badly it would be pure poetry)

Good luck!
(I love you forever)

Wil
(Your loyal servant always)

You have to learn to read between the lines.
There you go. Try not to be jealous. Feel free to gossip and spread rumors.
Later.
ps. side note to Rex. I know you are reading. Yes, yes, I know you don't feel special anymore. Stop whining and post damn it!

Good Morning everyone.
It's been a while since I last updated.
I was tied up for a few days.
Listening to the 568 phone messages left by Dak.
Took a while to get through them all.
Uncle Dak's having a Hallowe'en party :)
CUT TO
MORNING - CHEMICAL PLANT - CU DAK AND DAVE
Dak: So Dave, you going to stick around for the Hallowe'en party?
Dave: I dunno, is anybody coming?
Dak: Well I made 568 phone calls this week and only one guy in the whole lot, if that tells you anything!
Dave: Wow! zis vill necessitate ze abandonment of ze so called monogamous sexual relationship as far as men vere concerned.
Dak: ..... basically ....yeah.
Seriously though, this should be a fun party. Dak is a social butterfly.


Sorry Dak, had to do it.
Well, I have to get to work. I need to make money so I can buy my awesome costume. Gaz (Invader Zim).
Later.

Okay, so Wil and I, we're pretty much on a first name basis now if you know what I mean.
I spent Friday evening chatting with him for hours.
You know.
About stuff.
The kind of stuff you talk with Wil Wheaton about.
You know, like black holes, Nanotech, William Shatner.
That kind of thing.
Well maybe not for hours.
But....I did call him by his first name.
Wil.
And he did say some stuff to me. Three sentences.
Okay people, what I am trying to get at here is I GOT AN E-MAIL FROM WIL WHEATON AND YOU DIDN'T!
I realize he didn't write in my forum. Yet. Just like the others that only sent an e-mail. But I am one step closer, and I am SURE he must have visited the site. If not, the curiosity is driving him mad as we speak. It won't be long now I assure you.
In other news: we went riding today and I crashed. Hard. On sharp rocks. Then my bike fell on me.
So all in all a great day!
Later.

Today I e-mailed Wil Wheaton.
Hi Wil.
I know you are reading.
Once I make contact, no one can resist.
I am also on the verge of e-mailing, Jon AKA VAST. I just have no idea what to say. If you don't know the music of Vast, you have been living a dried, broken peanut husk of a life.
They are selling albums here.

Hello people.
Well I've got to break the silence sometime haven't I?
I thought I would wait until William Shatner broke the silence but it looks like he isn't going to show.
I decided to write some thoughts and opinions today. I received an e-mail just now that bothered me. So I thought I would write about it in here. This is pretty much what the e-mail says:

Hi Friends,
At the risk of a bit of inconvenience, I'm forwarding this to all I know. A disgusting film set to appear in America later this year depicts Jesus and his disciples as homosexuals!
As a play, this has already been in theaters for a while. It's called "Corpus Christi" which means "Christ's Body." It's a revolting mockery of our Lord. But we can make a difference.
That's why I am sending this e-mail to you. Will you please add your name to the bottom of the list at the end of this e-mail? If you do, we will be able to prevent this film from showing in America. After all, the entertainment industry is under fire in our country right now anyway. Apparently, some regions in Europe have already banned the film. All we need is a lot of signatures!
Remember, Jesus said "Deny me on earth and I'll deny you before my Father."

Incase any people see my journal entry that have signed this e-mail petition, please don't shoot burning arrows onto my roof at night.
I would just like to express my opinion.
First off I wonder how many people who signed this petition actually bothered to research this film.
If you did research, had you already formed your judgement before your research.
Did you use your research just to fuel your fire of indignation?
I for one will withhold any final judgement until after I see the film, if I see it.
However, I will write about what I found out doing a little research after reading the e-mail. I believe the writer himself would call himself a Christian. From what I gather, the film/play tells the story of Jesus if it were set in modern times. Incase any of you aren't familiar with the story of Jesus, I will give you the brief run down.
Jesus coming in the bible had been prophesied many times earlier. So the people during that time had expectations of what Jesus (who claimed to be God in human form) should be like. When he arrived he was nothing like what they expected. He hung out with whores, challenged their beliefs and basically pissed everyone off. In the end everyone became so infuriated that this little shit claimed to be God that they crucified him. Jesus message? Just to love everyone. So the Gist of this play seems to be, if Jesus came today, what kind of person would he be to make all the Christians hate him so much that they would kill him?
......well...gay of course.
And the message of the play?
If you are a Christian and you claim to follow the teachings of Jesus, are you loving, or are you judging and hating?
I was raised in a church going family. I liked church when I was young. It was a good place to be. Much to the chagrin of many family members I am sure, I decided to examine, test and challenge the beliefs I was raised with. I am sure this will be a lifelong process. I am glad I try to be open-minded, I am glad I question things, I am glad I live in a free country.
Remember folks.
Joe Smith getting to say that Jesus is a fag also means that you get to worship your God of choice on your day of choice. Something to be thankful for eh?
That's all for now folks. Later.
PS Corpus Christi is actually the name of a city in Texas. The main character is a kid from Texas.