Holy Crap! An update!
Well I'm back from the dead with much to write about. Incase one of my 2.5 readers did not notice, which is quite possible seeing as one of them is blind and the .5 is my coffee cup, I have been updating my site within my forontes. (forum - plural) Incase you are wondering about the .5 - Emma my dog does not read my site anymore.
She's into the whole Gothic Lolita thing now and I'm not cool enough. Anyway, I had to replace her with my coffee cup.
So as for updates, here they are cut and paste from the forontes:
Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2003 2:37 pm Post subject: "My Summer Vacation" By Helen Quoth Platt
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Summer woz not so gud.
we went to the zoo.
a bird shat on my head.
MY icecrem fell and i ony had wone lik.
i fell into the polar bere pen and got eatend by the big wite bere.
big pointy teeth. crunch crnuch crunch.
i diden even get to see the monkees.
i lik monkees.

Posted: Tue Jul 15, 2003 3:25 pm Post subject: Could'a Been Worse
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At least I didn't have to pass through the digestive system of a polar bear.
It was however, a summer vacation worthy of an Haiku. The greatest Haiku ever. Possibly even Haikese.
I last updated my blog several weeks ago. Full of childlike anticipation for my long-awaited mountainbiking trip to Nelson. Two weeks of sun, cycling and swimming. Well, make that two hours. Two hours after arriving in Nelson we received a phone call.
Our house had been broken into and everything was gone.
Oh wait! Wait there's more!
No insurance!
Yeah baby!
Let's take inventory here. We have (had) a home business. All gone.
Years worth of my work.
All gone.
Let's hear it for off site back up!! Hooray!!
Which we didn't have! Hoora...oh.
Shit!
Yeah that pretty much sums it up. Shit, caca, feces, dung, crap, excrement, guana, shiza and poo.
The last few years of photos, gone. My sketches, art, image libraries, video, writings, poems, excruciatingly embarrassing stuff....gone.
speaking of....if anyone out there has some images of mine that I have emailed to people over the last little while.....if you could send tham back it would make my day. But not yet. This is the first time I have been online in weeks and I don't have e-mail set up yet. So give me a week or so. Other than that, our $1000 printer, bike, leather jackets, sewing machine, clothing, jewellery... the list goes on an on....all gone.
But inspite of all of this, I am not down. No, I WILL NOT be defeated! You may rob me! you may take my material possesions! You may think you leave me with naught!
BUT NO!!
You cannot take from me my most FEARSOME weapon!!
IT'S HAI-FUCKIN-KU TIME BABY!!
Haaawwww...hai-ha-ungh-hoiauuugh
(you must imagine at this point that I am dressed in a terribly fearsome black martial arts style outfit as I run through some equally fearsome, matrix style martial arts moves to prepare for the most fearsome Haiku ever)
This will require patience and meditation and possibly a 6 month respite at a Shaolin Temple.
But I will return.
Fear not.
In other news, Enki and I have decided to rent no longer! We are buying a condo. More about this later.
Well, a lots happened since then. We did buy a place. We are moving in 3 weeks.
YAY.
I have been living with the in-laws the whole time and will be for another 3 weeks.
Not-so-YAY.
On one hand no privacy, on the other hand, we are catching up on our beauty sleep.
Here is a picture of my father in law:


He has a masters degree in chemistry and he grows vegetables.
So don't worry about me Mom, I am eating my veggies.
I don't ask how the vegetables got so big.
I just eat them.
Speaking of veggies. It's supper time. Gotta go.
By the way. Hi Kathy, the pics I showed you today are under the sketches link to your left, and then under my art portfolio.
Later.

Morning Everyone.
Well I guess I'm back to having 2.5 readers. The .5 being my dog. Sigh, well I did it to myself didn't I? Should've have my priorities straight.
I have been too busy updating my sisters site for her. She has also at long last added an entry of her own, after a long hiatus.
Enki/Derek has been giving his blog an overhaul lately. I'm going to have to be careful what I message to him because he has a habit of posting my messages.
Here is a clip from his weblog "In unrelated news, later on I will post a quick and effective guide to hot-swappable USB2.0 large size hard drives under Linux. Just got it dialed, and it KICKS ASS!"
Woo baby! I love it when you talk dirty like that!
All that hot swappable large sized hard drive stuff, DAMN it's getting hot in here!
Here are a few statistics to brighten your day and bring sunshine into your future.
Your chances of dying of SARS in the States are 1 in ...oh wait, none have died in the states....not too shabby huh?
Your chances of dying in an automobile accident in the states are approximately 1 in 6400 every year. Those aren't the odds in your life time, those are your odds each year.
In 2001 2 students were killed in a school shooting. Two...out of millions of high school students. 18 other students were injured. That's all.
Every year 1 in 78 people are injured in automobile accidents in the states. That means if you live in the states you will almost definitely be injured in a car accident in your lifetime.
How badly, depends on how lucky you are.
Maybe you will just break some bones if you are lucky, or maybe you will end up crippled, or on life support, or brain damaged who knows? But everyone has to roll that dice in their life time. Everyone.
Car accidents are the greatest cause of death caused by injury. And that includes, all accidents, suicides, homicides, war, everything. Cars are the worst.
Why do we still use cars? Surely there must be better systems of transportation? There are. But the US economy depends upon the automobile industry to survive.
Oh that's right. To keep the rich people rich lots of people have to die in horribly mutilating car accidents. That's not to mention all the pollution and damage to the environment.
And the puppies.
Oh yes don't forget about the puppies.
The poor little sad puppies.
(Okay this is just to evoke an emotional response from my 2.5 readers) People care far more about bad things happening to cute puppies than they do about people.
Anyway, thats my little rant for today.
I'm afraid of cars.
I'm afraid of Americans. (it's the trendy thing).
And I love the sad little puppies.

Well folks, I'm a little squiffy I'm afraid.
It's Friday night and I've had it! I'm up to three beers now. Ya, ya I know I'm a cheap drunk.
Trust me I'm sloshed. It was just one of those days you know. One of those days when you are inspired to heights of misanthropy that you could have never have believed you were capable of.

Okay did that just make sense? I am squiffy enough that I lose direction before I finish a sentence. Perhaps this is not the best time to update my blog. Ah to hell with it, here I am.
I should be able to write Guinness off as a business expense. Actually everyone should get a tax break for beer. I mean it's a basic requirement after working a full day. It's only fair.

I found a great site tonight. I NEED more clothes. Really I do. I am tired of only doing graphic design for other people. I think I am going to start a bit of painting again.

Also I have a new idea for bringing people to my site. It's fucking brilliant. Okay here it is. Enki gets tonnes of hits a day because he writes journal entries that contain brain hemorrhagingly detailed explanations of how to fix linux related problems.
he has his niche. Well I'm up for a little slant drilling if you know what I mean. I am thinking of writing stupidly complex solutions to linux problems that make no sense at all but they will get rankings on google. Hows that for a plan. Or maybe I am shitfaced.

Anyway, I am off to Chappies (Chapters book store). I am planning on purchasing "Catch Me If You Can" by Frank Abignale. My new Hero. Later.

Good God has it been that long? Well it's been an eventful month. Lots of business which is good but it keeps us busy.
And yet, bastion of philanthropy and charity that I am, somehow I still manage to create this humble benefaction for my worthy cousin Nick. A man among boys....Hang on a minute, that didn't sound right.
A man among...errr...other lesser men.
Nope still not right.
Well basically a single guy that needs help in the dating department. I felt the calling to help and generously responded.
I've been doing a lot of mountain biking lately too. Trying to get back in shape for my summer vacation that we just planned this weekend. Two weeks mountain biking in Nelson. Can't wait.
Anyway, that's it for now. More later.

Mornin' everyone. My art protfolio is going to be down for a few weeks. I have temporarily moved my pics to this site. They are under the sketches link. I still haven't added anything new. I will get around to that one day.

Good Morning No-one.
Hahaha! My evil plan worked! My secret plan to feign disinterest in my blog so that the readers will drop off one by one, leaving me readerless and free to divulge my most terrible secrets and the nasty things I really get up to.
That's the real reason I haven't been updating with regularity for a month. Okay 2 months.
Okay this is depressing. I was just trying to think of a terrible secret to write and I can't think of any. I have no terrible secrets.

Okay, you can all start reading again.
Hello?
Well the new place is starting to feel like home. Whatever home is. I am starting to feel like home is the inside of a moving van.
It's perpetually fridgid here. I sometimes have to wear mittens to type. I know how Strongbad feels.
It doesn't help that my dog thinks the place is haunted. This place does not make a very cool haunted house. I mean the whole 70's decor, orange globe lamps and wood panelling doesn't lend itself to hauntings now does it?
Unless you're talking about the ghost of Linda Lovelace or John Holmes. Personally I think my dog is full of shit. Since we moved in she's been creeping around silently with her hackles up staring at random spots in the house.
But last night, in the middle of our peaceful slumber the window screen mysteriously fell on her head as she lay in bed. She has taken this as solid evidence of the paranormal. And what's worse, she thinks they are out to get her.
This morning I get up, Mulders makin breakfast, the house is full of EMF detectors, EVP instruments and heat sensors. Never trust a dog with your visa card.
Latest update on the Ultrasound fiasco. I had another ultrasound done. On the topic of the porn industry, There's only one kind of scenario where it would be okay for the Doctor to scream out "OH My GOD!!" while she's examining you. This wasn't one of them. In all other cases this is generally a bad thing.

And yes she did yell out Oh My God. And NO I am not pregnant.
Well at least I got to pee before this one.
Anyway, I must get to work. More later.

It's Derek's birthday today! So everyone who knows him, send him an e-mail today. Sorry once again for the lack of updates. I'm sure you are all too busy reading CNN and Fox News to read this site anyway. It's been super busy lately. The move went fairly well. Still unpacking and setting things up. Work has been busy too. We actually got out for a ride yesterday. It was raining, hailing and sleeting, windy and cold but we rode. Damn we're hard core! Shut up Cam! Just because I whined and complained about it doesn't mean I'm not hard core! The ride was fun. I screamed all the way down. Anyway, I gotta run and get some work done. I know, I know it's a boring entry but life will be back to normal in another couple of weeks and I will have more time to think creatively. Until then this is all you get. Later.

Sometimes I am sad to be part of this human race.
Sometimes I have hope.
Sometimes it's good to put your own life and troubles in perspective.

6:37 AM. Perched here basking in the bluish radiation of my 19 inch Samsung, a welcome source of light on this dim and rainy morning, I quaff my nepenthe caffeine and contemplate moving to the bahamas.
Well it's too late for that now. We signed yesterday for a new place in Langley.
(Woah I think I just channelled William Gibson.)
(Well maybe a William Gibson/E.A. Poe freak of nature thing)
(Okay so I am not as good at writing as either so we will just say that I channelled a William Gibson cross with Edgar Allan Poe at about age 13 okay?)
Needless to say, I am channelling people, both dead and alive at 6:37 on a Monday morning, sounds like the beginnings of an interesting week.
The house we found is a groovy throw back to the 70's. It's a spacious house in the middle of acres of farmland.
Summer should be fun and eventful. They are growing fields of corn all around us. This means we should expect either visits from dead Baseball legends, aliens and crop circles, or creepy children that want to kill is with sharp farm implements. I am voting for the baseball legends. Actually, it would be cool to have mountain bike legends emerge from the corn and force us to build a big jump track. I wouldn't mind that so much.
Well clearly, it is too early for me to write anything sensible so I should sign off and get some work done. I don't need to think clearly for work.
Later.

Hi Everyone!
Okay, Okay, Okay, I am updating! It's been one of those weeks you know what I am saying? We started packing and cleaning for the big move this week.
Yep that's right we are moving again!!

Where?

Who the hell knows!!

But we are moving. We have been desperately scrambling to find a place to live this week and I have been trying to learn a new job.
The company I am working for is contracting the work out to me (charged Multi Media) after they let the previous girl go. It's pretty stressful for me, not because the work is difficult. It's pretty straight forward and I would have no problem doing it if it weren't for the disorganized filing system.
And the weird glitches with the equipment. In my head I am thinking...you know...I would really like to show them that I am not a retard (ouch! that was politically incorrect) but things are going pretty slowly.

Also the other shitty thing is the depressing state of all of the houses we are looking at. Squatters hovels going for 1500 a month. It's crazy. So anyway, that's why I haven't been updating regularly. It will get better in a few weeks but for now there will be a few long pauses I am afraid. Later.